Friday, April 29, 2011
Finding understanding in interesting spaces
I received a big sigh of relief this morning talking to an old friend. Knowing now that things are better between her and I means a great deal. While other friendships have bit the dust, literally, I have no patience for the fearful or the deranged. I have lived in fear, of myself for one. Afraid of what I say to others, if it will ruffle their feathers or make them instant friends, the latter being my fear. Welcoming new friends I'm good at. Keeping them sometimes is hard. While I love meeting new people this is my drawback at times. Wanting to impress people but not wanting their criticism or unwanted banter. I am very selective of the people I call best friend. Having only one that's really stuck by me, we've had our ups and downs too don't get me wrong, that's been what helps keep my mind open to new and interesting people. Seeing her and talking to her while away from my friends and home town have really kept my spirits up. One day we will have to get all the kids together and have a fun filled day!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Not knowing where things are
Finding the right road is difficult, things don't always fall into the right places when we want them to. Seldom when those things disappear before we can fully examine them makes our sight a touch unclear. For me this happens a lot. Trying to find the right road/direction can be a bit misleading. When that sign finally surfaces and the direction becomes clear them I wait for myself to fully understand it before moving on. This road is still quite unclear and it makes me wonder if it's even the right road to be on.
Coming across the right clues are getting harder to come by. My friends that I once held dear are disappearing before I can say boo. Making amends is never easy, considering that not all of the tribulation is my doing. When that finally comes around I will be ready to talk or be ready to accept the final blow. Resting is all I'm doing now. To think that I used to be the one that people relied on, now I'm just relying on time.
Coming across the right clues are getting harder to come by. My friends that I once held dear are disappearing before I can say boo. Making amends is never easy, considering that not all of the tribulation is my doing. When that finally comes around I will be ready to talk or be ready to accept the final blow. Resting is all I'm doing now. To think that I used to be the one that people relied on, now I'm just relying on time.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Times are changing
There are times when I just start saying that I DON"T GIVE A RATS ASS ABOUT PEOPLE THAT SHIT ON ME! They want to act like they are in high school go for it, if you do it around me expect to be told that you are acting like a 15 year old. I'm tired of being someone else's scapegoat. The person you should blame is yourself for your own problems. I'm sorry that I could have warned you and didn't. I had just screwed up 6 months before trying to give the heads up about something and it backfired. I wasn't about to go through it again with someone that I thought was a sister. We lost touch for a few years, I didn't think that those kind of things would happen to you during that time. If I had known I would have gone and found you.
There are many things that I regret doing. Saying what I said I regret. Unfortunately some of it needed to be said. People can only take so much and being your excuse for not trying to confront your problems to become stronger, well if that's not the job of a best friend then what is? Learning to get over the pain inflicted is the first step to recovery. I should know I've been through hell too! Pushing away the people that are trying to help you is a definite sign of deepening depression or psychosis. Want the web address for a reference? I will add it at the end of the blog if you like.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/top-10-signs-of-depression/ and here's a book on overcoming fear. It's a review and I have read this book it's a great way to come to terms with a ruling fear!
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2011/the-solution-conquer-your-fear-control-your-future/
But for you to treat me the way you did, I saw it coming. I knew if I said anything that it would bite me in the ass, it did. Well you know what? I might not be mad at you, just your actions like blogging about me instead of writing me an email or let's say, saying it to my face. I'm not the one that can do no wrong, that makes you look like you are the only one that's wrong in my eyes. To tell you how I feel, I am the one in YOUR eyes that can do no right! You are always correcting me about something and needing to have the last word on subjects. Like the joke about your ex, I caught it and dropped the subject.......you are the one that kept going on about it. NOT ME! So like I said get your head out of your ass and come back to reality dear, cause you just landed on PLUTO!
There are many things that I regret doing. Saying what I said I regret. Unfortunately some of it needed to be said. People can only take so much and being your excuse for not trying to confront your problems to become stronger, well if that's not the job of a best friend then what is? Learning to get over the pain inflicted is the first step to recovery. I should know I've been through hell too! Pushing away the people that are trying to help you is a definite sign of deepening depression or psychosis. Want the web address for a reference? I will add it at the end of the blog if you like.
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/top-10-signs-of-depression/ and here's a book on overcoming fear. It's a review and I have read this book it's a great way to come to terms with a ruling fear!
http://psychcentral.com/lib/2011/the-solution-conquer-your-fear-control-your-future/
But for you to treat me the way you did, I saw it coming. I knew if I said anything that it would bite me in the ass, it did. Well you know what? I might not be mad at you, just your actions like blogging about me instead of writing me an email or let's say, saying it to my face. I'm not the one that can do no wrong, that makes you look like you are the only one that's wrong in my eyes. To tell you how I feel, I am the one in YOUR eyes that can do no right! You are always correcting me about something and needing to have the last word on subjects. Like the joke about your ex, I caught it and dropped the subject.......you are the one that kept going on about it. NOT ME! So like I said get your head out of your ass and come back to reality dear, cause you just landed on PLUTO!
Time to find out WTH?
I've been called a lot of things in my life, but backstabbing has never one that my ears have heard directly. Always through other's blogs or writings of sorts. No one has ever had the courage to tell me to my face. That makes me feel like they are the backstabber and not the other way around.
To call a person a backstabber they would have done something so horrible ie: turning a person over to a hungry pack of wolves so-to-speak. I have never intentionally done such a thing. If that person were to tell me why they think that I would listen. To attack and not give names of people that have harmed them is another form of cowardice. I asked for names to right the wrong. Those names never came! Never did I INTENSIONALLY try to harm you through another. I wish that you would talk to me or give me a reason for this treatment. You blog about how you see things, did you ever once mention the text that you sent to me? I never saw it. let me remind you that on March 25th 2011 you sent me three text's the first one started out "I'm not wanting to answer my phone for anyone right now and for you not likely in the near future. I'm done with this...." If I had known what would happen (so you say) I would have never brought anything on that subject up!
To continue, I have not NOR ever claimed to be a psychologist! You labeled me that. I was giving advice that had been given to me BY YOU! and you are in school for this field. So I could truly reverse the comment made to me by you, but you know what? I'm not that kind of person. A person that gives tough love tries to make the realization that you need some type of help at that moment. You my dear may want to try someone out here in this county! The former county that you lived in the resources that you had were limited and I know that for a fact. The counselors down there don't care anything about the patients, just the money they get from the state. I know I've been to a few there. Me saying that I was also a battered spouse was not to get sympathy nor me telling you my son was out of the question. I keep him from the people that he can pick up on emotional wise. He is showing signs of autism and he's really getting me worried. He freaks out at the slightest emotional bereft lately. I lived in abuse from 2003-2008 sound about the same amount as you? Try dating a guy that physically abused you and emotionally abused you for 13 years! Then come talk to me. I was under the age of 18 when we got physically involved. Can you say he "groomed" me? Pedophile that's what I married and that's not my fault either. He actually tried to go after my adopted sister after I left him, she's just turned 22! That's not a factor to you so I don't think that matters. Let me know how this can be resolved. I do care but I do, do tough love. That's how I was raised!
To call a person a backstabber they would have done something so horrible ie: turning a person over to a hungry pack of wolves so-to-speak. I have never intentionally done such a thing. If that person were to tell me why they think that I would listen. To attack and not give names of people that have harmed them is another form of cowardice. I asked for names to right the wrong. Those names never came! Never did I INTENSIONALLY try to harm you through another. I wish that you would talk to me or give me a reason for this treatment. You blog about how you see things, did you ever once mention the text that you sent to me? I never saw it. let me remind you that on March 25th 2011 you sent me three text's the first one started out "I'm not wanting to answer my phone for anyone right now and for you not likely in the near future. I'm done with this...." If I had known what would happen (so you say) I would have never brought anything on that subject up!
To continue, I have not NOR ever claimed to be a psychologist! You labeled me that. I was giving advice that had been given to me BY YOU! and you are in school for this field. So I could truly reverse the comment made to me by you, but you know what? I'm not that kind of person. A person that gives tough love tries to make the realization that you need some type of help at that moment. You my dear may want to try someone out here in this county! The former county that you lived in the resources that you had were limited and I know that for a fact. The counselors down there don't care anything about the patients, just the money they get from the state. I know I've been to a few there. Me saying that I was also a battered spouse was not to get sympathy nor me telling you my son was out of the question. I keep him from the people that he can pick up on emotional wise. He is showing signs of autism and he's really getting me worried. He freaks out at the slightest emotional bereft lately. I lived in abuse from 2003-2008 sound about the same amount as you? Try dating a guy that physically abused you and emotionally abused you for 13 years! Then come talk to me. I was under the age of 18 when we got physically involved. Can you say he "groomed" me? Pedophile that's what I married and that's not my fault either. He actually tried to go after my adopted sister after I left him, she's just turned 22! That's not a factor to you so I don't think that matters. Let me know how this can be resolved. I do care but I do, do tough love. That's how I was raised!
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